DEFINITION OF A CONSERVATIVE

Observe the 2 newborn babies lying side by side
in a maternity ward. Look at them closely. Both
are essentially screaming, vibrating, desperate
horizontal tubes. Neither has had a single polit-
ical thought. Yet, one of them will develop far
along his human potential while the other grows
up to be a mere Conservative.

I was extremely disappointed to learn at an early age that we could die at any time, and, while we were waiting to cease to exist and disappear forever, we had to spend most of our waking hours trying to get similarly doomed human creatures to give us money. But both of these disillusionments paled in comparison with the knowledge that we had to share this earthly existence with Conservatives.

The dictionary defines Conservatism as a: disposition in politics to preserve what is established; b: a political philosophy based on tradition and social stability, stressing established institutions; c: tendency to prefer an existing or traditional situation to change; d: defense of the status quo against major changes in the political, economic, or social institutions of a society.

Conservatives define themselves as disciples of a political ideology that stands for the preservation of American traditions and institutions.

I define a Conservative as anyone who wants to conserve the advantage he or she has over others. A Conservative is any individual or entity that enjoys wealth, power, position, privilege, authority, command, control, supremacy, skin color or any advantage over others in the society, and is willing to do whatever is necessary to maintain that advantage and protect it from the forces of change that threaten to take it away.

For the purposes of these essays and because it comes closest to being correct, let us follow my definition of a Conservative---and see where it leads.

07/21/1986